The BAU at the CBI
by Kitiara Raistlin
Summary: The BAU is invited by the CBI to California, to help catch Red John, but Jane is far from pleased at the idea of the group, with far more then their own fair share of serial killers to catch, trying to take their only one.
1. Chapter 1

_Brief Note: Please forgive the very weak attempt made in writing the BAU's profiling. I consider that in the province of science, and science has never been my strong suit...or even one of my weak suits for that matter._

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* * *

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It had been a quiet day for the CBI, no murders, no kidnapings, no blindings, nothing to do but catch up on some old paper work. Jane was lying on the couch, eyes closed, when he heard a movement coming down the hall. He raised his head.

A group of six people being lead by Hightower were coming in this direction. Lisbon, who had come out of her office briefly to give Van Pelt some papers, stopped next to Jane and studied the approaching figures.

"Agent Lisbon," smiled Hightower, "This is Agent Hotchner and Gideon from the BAU."

"BAU? What are you doing here?" asked Lisbon.

"Agent Hightower invited us here to help find Red John," explained Hotchner.

"What?" Jane rose, "No, no, absolutely not. You can't do that!"

"Jane," explained Hightower, "The BAU is very good at what it does, if anyone can find him, they can."

"Exactly! 45 minutes, he's gone!"

"What?"

"They have dozens of serial killers to catch, we've got one. _One._ They can't just swoop in an steal him."

"Jane, if the BAU can catch him, I see nothing wrong with that." Hightower turned to Hotchner, "Agent, you can set up right here. Anything you need, just call me."

* * *

"Alright, so what do we know?" Gideon was standing in front of the white board, looking around at his agents. To his left, stood Lisbon, hands in back pockets, watching with interest, and behind, sitting on his couch was Jane, looking highly disgruntled.

"We know he lives in California, he moves freely about the state, kills elaborately, takes his time, and even once, on very short notice, went to Mexico, implying he has either a job with loose hours, or is independently wealthy," said Prentiss.

"I'll have Garcia check wealthy males who have been located in the state for the past twelve years, and see what she can find out about their location during the time of the murders."

"Oh come on. You don't think we looked into that angle?" snapped Jane. Much quieter, to Lisbon, his whispered, "We did look into that angle didn't we?"

"Ahhh...hum..." Lisbon sat down next to him on the couch looking sheepish.

"We know that the unsub largely kills women, only attacking men when they're in the way," offered Morgan.

"He's also has an incredible amount of influence over others, both male and female, who are fully aware of his criminal activities and whom he has also convinced to kill for him in the past, creating a large network of people willing to protect, lie and murder for him." said Reid.

"In fact, with this high-profile a killer, clearly one for the history books, with this level of influence, I don't see why we weren't called in sooner," said Hotch. "He's clearly got cult-like leadership abilities."

"Ooohhh right," murmured Lisbon.

"He's egocentric, a psychopath and manipulative," murmured Gideon.

"Lisbon we have to do something!" hissed Jane. "We can't just let them do this! You know what they're like. They pull together a profile and half an hour later they've caught him! Do you have any idea what that would mean?"

"Less smiley faced murders?"

"Yes, if you want to take the worm's eye view of it. More importantly, I might actually have to furnish my house! Wallpaper my bed room! Interior decorators! Or worse, I might have to be even more emotionally healthy, and _move_, that means realtors. Realtors! And if that weren't bad enough, I'd have to move on! Live an actually healthy lifestyle; you and I might even have to decide once for all whether there is, or is not, any feelings other then friendship between us. Which would throw 'will-they-won't-they' right out the window...actually, no, we could still drag that on forever. But still, we'd be short on plot! I will no longer be able to ask, oh so subtly, every revenge killer we run into whether it was worth it or not. I'll know! Actually, they arrest him, I will never be able to make the moral decision on to revenge or not to revenge, that will no longer be the question. At least not on Red John. I'll be stuck with his friends, which is totally not the same thing, and after all I've been through, I deserve better then that! The BAU nabs the serial killer, we'd be left picking up the accomplices, do you have any idea how unrewarding that would be? The entire CBI would be second-tier characters. Will LaMontagne let the BAU capture his arch-nemesis serial killer, and look at his importance? (Or lack thereof.) We'd have no over-arcing mystery! We would be completely uncool, out of the loop, and totally last season next to our peers. Lisbon we can't let this happen!"

"Calm down Jane and behave. I think you're way ahead of yourself. We don't even know if they're going to find anything."

Jane thought for a moment. "You're right," he said at last. "I've been trying to find my family's killer for eight years now...I'm sure, with the evidence we've got, we've tried all obvious paths of investigation."

* * *

_30 Minutes Later_

"We've got him!" yelled Hotch, hanging up the phone.

"What!" Jane leapt to his feet.

"His name is Leonard Jones."

"But you can't seriously mean to do this to me!"

"Inherited fortune from father-"

"You can't just sweep in here and wipe out our best story line in slightly under 45 minutes!"

"His fiancé went missing ten years ago after they had a public argument, she was never found."

"No, no, _NO!_ I catch him! Me! This is my trauma, my emotional baggage, my personal serial killer!"

"He was sued once by an Angie Richie who accused him of severe emotional abuse. She accused him of being controlling and vindictive. Believed him to have many other relationship."

"You just don't go around arresting other people's killers! You don't go after Jack Of All Trades, you don't arrest the Carver, you leave Brennan's and Beckett's mothers' alone, and you darn well let them catch Yin and Yang in their own good time!"

"And she also testified that near the end of their relationship he tried to convince her to kill her pet dog."

"Why on earth would you do this to me? I never went after the Reaper!"

"He lives 30 minutes away. Let's go!"

"Can't you even try and appreciate how hard it's going to be for us from now on?" The last of the BAU agents rushed off. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR SEASON FINALES _NOW_?"

* * *

_For the record, I just want to make it clear, I really am a huge fan of both shows :-), it has just occurred to me on several occasions that the two shows really couldn't mix._


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: I wasn't actually planning on posting another chapter to this, but I had an idea, so I went with it._

* * *

"Has anybody seen Jane?" Lisbon asked, looking around the office.

The BAU were packing up the last of their papers and folders, all except for JJ who was outside giving a press conference about the capture of Red John.

"I heard him say something about going to watch the conference," said Morgan, shrugging.

"That's not like Jane," said Rigsby."

"Wouldn't he want to stay far away from the Red John press conference in particular?" asked Van Pelt, frowning.

A bad feeling began to sink into Lisbon. "Turn on the TV."

Cho was closest to the remote so he was the one to flick it on.

Nothing seemed terribly amiss, JJ was calmly explaining the arrest to the reporters, but Lisbon frowned as she saw Patrick standing in the background behind JJ. That was weird. What was he up to?

JJ nodded, finished the statement and started to walk away from the podium. In the background Lisbon heard one of the reporters shout out,

"Mr. Jane! How do you feel about the capture of your family's killer?"

JJ turned back to the reporters to say something but Jane leapt forward and was at the mic in under five seconds. He was practically beaming. Lisbon groaned.

"Great! Thanks for asking! Couldn't have come at a better time! JJ here and I are madly in love and it's wonderful to be able to move on with that without being terrified a psycho serial killer will go after her. Now of course I'm still investigating psycho serial killers. We have *so* many open cases at the CBI. Howard Epps for instance; total loser, but a deranged killer we're tracking down nonetheless, but I should have him in custody in no time! The 3XK killer is just pathetic and barely worthy of the time I'm spending mentioning him. Rene Lenier, evil racist killer, but a walk in the park for a man of my talents! Ari Haswari? I mean come on who does he think he is? Even I can shoot better than that and I don't like guns! And you know while I'm at it; Hannibal Lecter can't cook!"

Jane started to walk off but as he passed JJ he stopped and turning back to journalists shouted out, "And remember now! We're madly in love!" Then he grabbed her and kissed her.

* * *

"What on earth was that!?" yelled Lisbon, as a triumphant Jane wandered into the office and a very bewildered looking JJ followed him.

"Saving our jobs! One of those guys is going to have to have seen that and get a bruised ego. They'll show up, kill JJ, and we're back in the revenge gig! And hey, the BAU can just bring her back! They're good at that!"

"You've put one my agents at risk!" Hotch said, his voice shaking with anger.

Jane shrugged. "You stole my serial killer, let's call it even!"

"Are you insane?" demanded Morgan. "We just did you a favor. We bought your wife justice!"

"But what we really needed was a viable on-going story line."

"We were scheduled to fly out tomorrow morning," said Reid, "But maybe we'd better move up the flight? Tell Hightower we can't look over those extra files for her?"

"No…" said Gideon thoughtful after a moment. "Nothing's going to happen tonight, and we're not going to run and hide…"

* * *

"Where's JJ?" asked Morgan, as he set a cup of coffee down, and picked up a folder.

"She and Prentiss went back to the hotel. They were both pretty beat and we're about done here."

It was nearing midnight. Most of the BAU were still at CBI, going over a few extra files. The CBI team was also there, a murder had happened during the evening and they'd been called back in.

Jane was sleeping peacefully on the couch.

Distantly Lisbon heard the elevator doors open and running footsteps and then JJ burst in, still wearing her pajamas and looking very disheveled.

"JJ!" exclaimed Reid. Jane woke up immediately and stood up.

"What happened?" asked Lisbon, concerned.

JJ sunk into a chair.

"He came," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Who came?" asked Jane, coming forward eagerly.

"Well," she said calming down a little, "Epps did. He snuck in through the hotel window. He took me gun away before he woke me up. He started gloating about how glad he was I was a blonde so he could enjoy this as well as make you suffer for calling him a loser and then he was about to kill me!"

"And why aren't you dead?" asked Jane, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"Because just then the door was shot open and Ari came into the room, sniper rifle in hand. He and Epps started having a huge argument over who should kill me, Ari said he had to do it because you had dishonored him and cast aspersions on his talent and in his career that was fatal! They'd just about reached an agreement when the 3XK killer appeared. Then the argument started all over again. It was in the middle of that, that Rene appeared wielding a knife and calling you and me vamp sympathizers…I'm not sure what he meant by that. He lunged at me with his knife and the others had to tackle him. There was a huge fist fight. No one seemed to notice me, so I snuck out."

There was a stunned silence.

"Darn it!" shouted Jane. "Overkill. I should have just called one of them out!"

"Jane! If I were you I'd shut up," snapped Lisbon. She turned to Cho. "Call SWAT! We're headed for the hotel."

* * *

The hotel room was full of unconscious men. Four of them. All highly dangerous killers.

"This is going to take a lot of explaining, I'm not looking forward to explaining this to Hightower," sighed Lisbon shaking her head. Morgan and Reid were looking slightly dazed.

Jane was just shaking his head sadly and muttering something about 'why couldn't they have come one at a time…'

"Alright," said Lisbon, taking a deep breath, "Rigsby take pictures of the crime scene, Grace I want you to take Agent Jareau's statement and then-"

There was a knock on the open hotel room door.

Lisbon turned around. There was n older man standing in the door way, his hair grey, his face worn. He was holding a plate of food.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Patrick Jane."

"Yes?" Jane stood up.

"I'm sorry to bother you but I've been rather upset all evening. I was wondering, if you wouldn't mind to much, maybe just *tasting* my cooking? I think you might actually like it quite a lot."


End file.
